


Never Not

by unagidragonroll



Series: because you didn't go this far only to come this far [4]
Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Doctors!AU, Jihoon-centric, M/M, Slice of Life, hospital!AU, jihoon is tired of everything, jihoon’s past relationship, there are cameos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-20
Updated: 2018-10-20
Packaged: 2019-08-05 00:30:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16357166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unagidragonroll/pseuds/unagidragonroll
Summary: In between heavy shoulders, burned cigarettes, and unwritten mails, Jihoon unexpectedly found his home again.





	Never Not

**Author's Note:**

> i know i suck at giving titles :( (thank lauv) and its midnight here i also apparently don’t have the right mind to do proper description

If Kwon Boah works hard, Jihoon’s levator palpabrae muscles work harder that dawn to keep his eyes opened.

“Park Jihoon,” Haknyeon hisses and nudges him on the rib, which causes said boy to groan loudly. Haknyeon immediately ducks his face to hide.

“I see you’re not intersted, Jihoon?” Speaking about the devil.

Jihoon straightens back on his feet, back off the wall. “Sorry.”

“You watch your attitude around me,” Boah says again, now walking up to stand right in front of her junior, “Unlike the others in this department, I’m not scared of your father, or your family legacy at this point.” She leans closer, “So you better do your work properly.”

Jihoon stays still in his place, totally not backing away. When Boah retreats to glare at him one last time before she leaves, he rolls his eyes.

“Dude!” Haknyeon hops to his side whilst everyone in the room heave out their breath, “Are you crazy? She definitely could kick you out.”

Jihoon walks to the resident room and Haknyeon follows suit. He fishes his phone out and mumbles, “It was just an empty threat.”

“Yeah sure,” Haknyeon walks faster to open the door, “But when you’re out, can I get your locker? It’s bigger than mine.” 

Jihoon stops in front of his friend and smiles, “Not gonna happen.”

Haknyeon snarls, “I even opened you the door, your highness!”

“Didn’t ask you to,” Jihoon shrugs. 

“Hey— oh shit, Jihoon, incoming—“

“Park Jihoon!” A familiar voice booms throughout the room.

Jihoon groans and does his best to put up a smile and turns around. “Hi, Yoojung.”

“Don’t you hi me, dickhead,” Yoojung steps closer, with Haknyeon behind her, still holding the door open and completely amused with the whole thing. “Why the fuck everyone knows that you broke up with me when in fact I broke up with you?” 

She’s furious, Jihoon can see that, and he steps forward which makes Yoojung steps back defensively. Jihoon, still smiling, reaches out to give the girl a pat on the arm that his hand got slapped. Haknyeon’s snickers can be heard.

“Don’t,” Yoojung glares and grits her teeth, “you dare to touch me.” 

Jihoon rolls his eyes before he playfully bumps his fist against her shoulder.

Yoojung gasps, “Oh my God!”

“Oh come on,” Jihoon groans, “Look, it’s true that I, me, who broke up with you.”

“Well, yeah, but you’ve agreed to say to people that I, me, who broke up with you.” Yoojung crosses her arms in front of her chest.

Jihoon scratches the back of his nape, “I was drunk, okay? And if I’m not mistaken you were too.”

Yoojung stomps her feet, “But you’ve agreed! And you broke your promise!”

“Whoa whoa whoa, hold on there,” Jihoon, too, crosses his arms, moving one step closer to Yoojung who steps back and bumps to Haknyeon in response, “I clearly remember that I didn’t promise you anything, even from the first place when you asked me out, and you should’ve been grateful you dated a gynecology resident who’s seen too many of _those_ that I didn’t want to do _that_ when 90% of men population would go for your pants on the first date, and dear, you were a crying mess when I broke up with you and I got no choice but to told you if anyone asked, I’d say you broke up with me. You stopped crying in instant by the way, if you can’t recall.” 

“You’re such a jerk.” Yoojung’s eyes filled with tears and as the silence follows, she slaps him hard on the cheek. “You didn’t even like me, did you?”

On the corner of his eyes, Jihoon can see Haknyeon nodding his head. 

Before Jihoon can say anything further, Yoojung turns on her heels and pushes Haknyeon to get through the door. The sound of her heels clinking echoes until she disappears on the corner. 

Jihoon sighs and walks back to his locker as if nothing just happened.

“Man,” Haknyeon finally closes the door and hops to his side, “She’s right. You’re such a jerk.”

“I didn’t tell anyone,” Jihoon takes out his towel and toiletries, “I’ve been here since the last 24 hours for Christ’s sake. All that occupied my mind have been that patient’s 23 weeks old baby whether she’s doing fine under Jisung’s team.”

Haknyeon blinks. “Right, then where did she hear all those bullcraps from?”

 “I don’t know, and I don’t care,” Jihoon slams the locker shut. “Now will you excuse me, I need some fresh water and don’t tell me to come out until I walk out myself from the shower.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Haknyeon walks to his own locker, “Wait, the other shower’s broken, moron!”

“That’s why I told you to not disturb me,” Jihoon cackles and locks the door, followed by Haknyeon’s groan.

  

Jihoon lets out another sigh as he turns on the shower. He faces the water straight that he hopes all those burdens can be washed out of his face, and moreover, his shoulder. Maybe those phrases of burden on shoulders are true afterall.

He’s just a 3 months old junior in this department, but it has felt like forever he’s been suffering like this.

He pours some amount of shampoo and proceeds to wash his hair. He really likes shower time when he can be alone by himself. Not that he doesn’t like Haknyeon, the only friend he has in this department who’s been by his side 24/7 since the first time they met at the orientation, but he really needs time to escape from everyone’s hateful glare, Boah’s unending torture, lists of responsibilities, and of course, being under the shadow of his father. 

His great, amazing, respectable father.

Like the rest of this hospital, or even this country, Jihoon admires and respects his father. The Man Who Has It All: Brain, Skill, Compassion, as the newspaper once released.

Ever since Jihoon learned to walk, he always sees his father leaves when he was about to sleep, still wasn’t there when Jihoon was having his breakfast, and suddenly, he left again when Jihoon has just arrived from his violin course. 

It’s true that Jihoon’s been thirsty for his father’s attention. He has tried everything, from being the top of his class, having violin concert at the country’s remarkable hall, and this decision he dreaded the most, being a gynecology resident. People say that he got in because of his father, but little did everyone knows that he worked his ass to be accepted, morever he got his GP from another university that made it harder for him.

However, what caught his father’s attention the most were him breaking someone’s nose in elementary school, him being caught smoking in junior high, and he hopes, this attitude of him in this school will too. Sadly, aside from his attending Kwon Boah, the rest of the staffs and his fellow residents are all coward they wouldn’t even looked displeased whenever Jihoon copies someone else’s report. Always those smiling masks covering their spiteful tongues.  

He glances his watch at the nearby shelf, he really wants to be late but he wouldn’t want Haknyeon to, so regrettably, he stops the shower and be ready to face this cruel world that’s filled with morning report, rounds, wards, and finally, paper works.  

“We have a join meeting with the surgery today,” Sanggyun announces as he jumps to the bed. “Oh my God, mankind’s been so blessed to have created mattresses. I mean, hey Haknyeon, have you tried this bed?” 

Haknyeon looks up from the stacks of patient’s records to smile meekly, “No I haven’t, Sanggyun.”

“Oh, right. Make sure you jump on to this once you’re no longer a junior, okay?” Sanggyun closes his eyes and rolls around, “God I’ve been here for years and everytime I lay on this bed it always feels like the first time.”

 “Lame,” Jihoon mumbles whilst flipping pages. 

“What did you say?” Sanggyun immediately looks up, body’s still paralyzed however. 

“Nothing,” Jihoon sing songs. 

 Sanggyun lays down again. “Hey Jihoon, I know you might’ve been doing all of these for a purporse, but seriously, don’t mess with Boah. You’ve heard what happened to Dongho, right?”

Jihoon stops writing. 

“It’s just.. I don’t hate you, okay? Well, I don’t know about the others but as long as you do your work well, people won’t have any reason to hate you. I mean, some people might have bad personality— anyways, that’s the case for us residents, but with Boah, just with her, spare her a little of your bitchiness, at least until you passed this junior year.” Sanggyun’s sighs, “It’s for your own good, oh and Haknyeon’s too. You guys are one package, if you haven’t realized.”

 Jihoon smiles a little that he hopes Haknyeon wouldn’t notice. Then he scoffs, “Bitchiness isn’t even a word.”

 “Whatever. You know what I mean,” Sanggyun rolls on his back, “Wake me up before you go to the conference room.”

“Okay,” Haknyeon sing songs. Jihoon looks up to him to see he’s already smirking his way.  

Probably Haknyeon noticed.

  

—

  

Jihoon now really can’t help but yawn.

The presentation is about this patient who has inflammation in her bile duct, whilst Jihoon was probably drifted away when her gynecology problem was being discussed, but all he knows that the patient’s going to have a hysterectomy, thus her case is going to be a join surgery between those departments.

Jihoon’s eyes then wander from the surgery department’s attending who has very bald head, and he looks quite scary too. Then his eyes move to his surrounding when he can spot his father’s picture, third row out of dozen lists of specialists, and he can see how young he looked back then when he graduated. Probably that was why his mother once told him she was very insecure at the beginning of his career because his father had that look.  

When Jihoon got bored pointing out typos and the bad angles of the pictures from the presentation, he locks eyes with one of surgery’s junior whose face is pale as the wall he instantly figures he’s a junior. Jihoon wonders if he had anemia or he had a week long shift or is it the atmosphere that’s suffocating? 

The other quickly ducks his face when he realized he’s been locking eyes with him and Jihoon praise the Lord because at that very moment, the meeting ends and everyone quickly dispersed.

  

After late lunch, Jihoon walks to the hospital’s backyard that’s quite isolated. 

He just found out this place when he was having his nightshift one day and he needed to piss the chief off he bailed his shift. Jihoon admits he was really a dickhead that day. 

As he walks, he remembers how Haknyeon (miraculously) found out that it was Doyeon who spreaded the true rumour about him and Yoojung. Jihoon kicks some stones on the pathway, thinking, that Yoojung had the gut to snarl ‘You didn’t even like me’ when she had Doyeon all along, ready to take her when she’s free and in this case, broken. 

Jihoon rolls his eyes, grumbling against himself when a sight makes him stop on his track. 

He finds the surgery resident from earlier, with a burnt stick being played with his two fingers skillfully. 

 “Oh, so it’s taken,” Jihoon blurts.

The surgery resident jumps off of his chair and hides the cig behind his back.

Jihoon snorts as he walks towards and sits beside him, like he’s been doing it all the time when in fact, not. “Dude, we’re allowed to do this, that.” He points to the cigarette now behind the other’s thigh.

He doesn’t say any word in response. So Jihoon lit up his cigarette too, and joins him in silence. 

It’s when Jihoon’s about to speak again, after around 5 good minutes of peace, the other quickly stands on his feet.

“Gotta blast,” he mumbles one last time before he actually blasts to the main building.

Jihoon can’t even curse in response to that.

  

The next day Jihoon comes again to find an empty bench.

The next day after that, it’s raining so hard that Jihoon has to stay behind and listen to Haknyeon’s lunchtime bedtime story.

Even few following weeks after that, Jihoon still can’t spot the other.

But that day, on a very rare sunny day in end October, Jihoon smiles again when he spots this familiar looking man, with his worn out sneakers and jeans, looked totally lost by the nurse station of obstetric ward.

“Need a help?”

The man jumps in surprise, turns around on his heels, and his eyes are as wide as saucers.

Jihoon can’t help but laugh. He eyes the document that he just hugged upon the shock. He smiles, “I know her room. This way.”

On the way to the ward, Jihoon keeps glancing back but he stays walking ahead of him, afraid he might run away again if he closes the distance. But he’s not, and still hugging the document until they arrived at the patient’s bed, he’s still standing with that safe distance between them. 

“Thanks,” he smiles a little.

Jihoon’s more than pleased to show him the longer way to reach the ward, and even though he already told Jihoon he could leave, Jihoon stayed behind until he’s finished. So actually, he’s the one who should be thankful because: 1) he got to talk to him more, and 2) he got to annoy everyone because he’s late for the case presentation.

He hopes the attending in charge sends this greeting to his father. 

 

From that day, he finally shows up at the bench again. Still, the talks are less, no more than exchanging greetings and goodbyes, and once Jihoon (probably) forgot his lighter so he got to talk 1 (one) more topic from any other days. 

He starts to wonder what stuffs would be reasonable for him to leave next time. This might sound so terrible too, but Jihoon feels kind of sad when that patient who has been staying at the obstetric ward and being the only reason the surgeons would do rounds here has to go home.

 

 

It’s Saturday night, and Jihoon has nightshift. One of those dreadful things when you only have 2 juniors per term is that you only be on-call alone, so that makes Jihoon groans in every 3 minutes he breathes.

Sanggyun, one of the on-call seniors of 2nd year, suddenly being kind and asks Jihoon to sleep at the room where all residents and interns usually sleep during night shift (apparently it was because Kenta’s having shift too downstairs, but Jihoon’s not going to let this chance slip because afterall, it’s not supposed to be his shift however Kwon Boah happened).

The bed is indeed comfortable albeit he has no clue who was the last person using this bed and how many times does he shower per day, the room is nicely darkened already despite the amount of times Jihoon cursed because he stomped on people’s bags on the way, and Jihoon really wants to sleep the fatigue but this person on the top bunk keeps going to the bathroom back and forth.

At his few first toilet break, Jihoon thinks probably he just had drank too much. His few later, Jihoon’s already squeezing his eyes closed under his pillow. 

It’s really dark when it’s probably this guy’s 10th toilet break in the last 2 hours, Jihoon finally decides to walk out and intentionally bumps with him by the door.

He goes to the corridor and lit up his cigarette. There’s no one there at that time, and the CCTV camera has been not working, and if it works anyway, he wouldn’t care.

“I’m sorry.”

Jihoon looks back and there’s the surgery resident, with his scrubs down and bed hair up.

Jihoon’s face might be questioning enough so the other said, “I have this psychogenic bladder thing. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with my bladder, it’s not like I have diabetes or I drank too much too, it’s just, yeah.” He looks down, “It usually happens during shifts.”

“Oh. Must be sucks.”

He then walks to stand besides him by the railings.

Jihoon heaves out the smoke. “You’re not gonna have one?”

“I’ve stopped.”

Jihoon tilts his head, “Why?”

“It’s not good for your lungs.” He has the conscience to shrug, and his tone is as flat as ever.

Jihoon snorts, “Really.”

“Yeah really. I had actually stopped since my GP days, and those times you’ve seen until now, are only, uh, some devastating moments. So, now I’ve conquered them, no nicotine.” Then he grins, eyes still focusing at the pond down there before them. 

“Very inspiring.” Jihoon mocks.

“You should too.” He says again, still not looking back.

“Yeah pray for me.” Jihoon replies, butting the already short last cigarette of the pack.

Then it is silent again between them. Some car sounds can be heard from a distance, and there’s this autumn night sound that fills the air. It’s starting to get cold too.

“Why did u avoid me?” Jihoon asks, voice gets a bit nasal because of the strong wind.

The other doesn’t answer, but he looks at Jihoon however, eyes questioning.

“Is it because the rumours around me?” Jihoon asks again.

He lets out a small sigh and turns his gaze again to the pond. After few seconds, he finally speaks, “I’ve heard rumours but it’s not my place to say anything further about it.”

Jihoon bits his lower lip.

“And I believe you have your own reasoning,” he says again.

Jihoon can say he’s a bit relieved. He looks up to the sky where the moonlight can’t reach them because of the thick clouds. “You know, you might would’ve known everything right now if you didnt avoid me.”

He chuckles and looks down, “I thought you might needed some space.”

Jihoon snorts, “What space, Park. I was the one who was afraid I invaded yours.”

He smiles now, and Jihoon knows it’s everything he needed right now when he still keeps the smile while looking back at him, “It’s not even mine. Everyone in this hospital can use that rusty bench.”

Jihoon smiles too, “So you’re not mad with me anymore.”

“I told you, I know you had your reasons for the break up and this whole fiasco of your wrongdoings.” He sighs, looking down where there’s an ambulance passing through the main road, “I can never be mad at you, Park. Even when you gave me a broken nose.”

“And I got transferred to another school for that so I wouldn’t bug you for the remaining years.” Jihoon says, still smiling, although there’s this apparent pain hidden somewhere in his voice. He looks away from the other’s face eventually.

They went silent afterward. The moonlight is no longer shaded by the clouds, and the way its light reflected on their hospital’s pond is somewhat calming. Probably it’s the reason they put the night shift room with this artifical pond, so anyone who’s out to refresh their heads, or probably, like Jihoon right now, stuffing his minds instead with everything related to this surgery resident besides him, could at least breath at the view.

But as the ambulance rang earlier, Jihoon’s phone follows. 

Jihoon throws his pack of cig to the other who catches it instantly, “Still has that quick reflex, I see.”

“I said I’ve quitted,” he remarks, still holding to that box on his spot nonetheless.

“Just so you will always got an excuse to go to that corner to return it to me.” Jihoon says, walking back to the main door.

The other rolls his eyes. “What if I throw this away so you’d quit?”

Jihoon stops on his track, and contemplates for a meaningless second and he smiles, “That’s okay. I can always buy another, but I know you’ll still come anyway, Woojin.”

Woojin scoffs and shakes his head, but smiles at the pond, “Have fun, Jihoon.”

Jihoon closes the door behind him, smiling from ear to ear.

So he remembers, both say in mind.

 

—

 

“I guess he won’t be coming home tonight too,” Jihoon slumped down with a box of chicken. 

“Hey, you know that chicken doesn’t fall from the sky,” Woojin snatced the box, “It’s because your father work for it.”

“But at least for the weekend!” Jihoon snatched the box away again, “I just wanted him to ask how am I doing with my life. I even got 1st place last year.”

“It was because I purposely had one wrong on my History test, thanks to me.” Woojin managed to snatch it again with winning smiles.

“But still!” Jihoon snatched again and hid it behind his back. “Wait, I think I’ve got an idea. A brilliant one.”

“No, Jihoon.” Woojin starts to be cautious, no longer trying to get the chicken box.

Jihoon puts his hands on the other’s shoulders, “Woojin, you would do anything for me, right?”

Woojin blinks. “Well, as long as it doesn’t involve my newest Playstation 2.”

Jihoon’s smile grows. “Then would you have some bruises for me?”

Woojin chokes. “What?”

“I promise it wouldn’t cause a scar, but just overreact your crying later.” Jihoon then starts thinking about the possible scenarios.

After Woojin regains consciousness from the initial shock, he speaks again, “First, real man doesn’t cry. Second, what are you talking about?”

“I hope this works.” Was all Jihoon say with a grin.

 

And Jihoon punched Woojin’s nose. When it turned out to be more than few bruises, Jihoon was the one who panicked and cried nonstop. 

But Woojin didn’t, even when they went to the teacher he didn’t, when he was carried on an ambulance and Jihoon was there by his side he didn’t. 

What Jihoon doesn’t know that he did cry, albeit not excessively, when Jihoon’s father decided to move him to another school because it was a stain for Jihoon’s marks, and for few months following that everytime he remembers him because Jihoon didn’t send him back any single post.

 

 

“Shit.” Woojin mumbles flatly, eyes staring at certain point on the floor, face pale. 

“Why?” Jaehwan asked though doesn’t sound very interested, “It’s normal to be anxious. Imagine being in this atmosphere for the rest of ur life.”

Woojin quickly stands up once his attending closes the meeting, followed by Jaehwan who’s still talking about life lessons and such.

One thing’s for sure, Jihoon suddenly appears in his life again, and Jihoon’s life is so complicated now (courtesy of Jaehwan’s resources) and man, he still owes him a hundred of mails. Yes, he has really gotten over about his nose, but not his mails. He really needs to confront him straight about this (which he failed in almost every attempt because he chickend out last minutes).

 

That morning when his weekend shift ended, Woojin catches a sight of Jihoon walking alone with his lidded eyes, messy hair, and he practically drags his feet.

Woojin hopes he can be by his side getting through this, like he used to.

”Hey.” Woojin catches up, slightly running.

Seeing Jihoon’s delighted smile, he believes this time it won’t involve any broken organ, and Woojin still has a lot of time ahead of them to ask him about the mails.

**Author's Note:**

> happy 2park week!! <3 and kengyu because happy 1 year anniversary jbj <3 oh and pls dont hate boah too she’s the justice warrior of the department our queen only


End file.
